Wow, it seems like forever since I have posted here. Not much has happened since I was last here. Except my goats are gone. :( They left 2 weeks ago. That was a hard day and I miss them terribly.
The same weekend my girls went to their new homes a good friend was here from back "home". We spent a little over 48 hours of almost non-stop talking. We didn't solve the world's problems or come up with a plan for world peace but we spent quality time with each other and did a lot of catching up. It was like balm to my soul. I was grateful for her support and sensitivity to my pain in parting with the goats.
Hubby, oldest son and I spent 2 days last weekend taking in the Calgary Folk Music Festival and we had a wonderful time. It was great to lie in the beautiful hot sun listening to some fantastic music and appreciating each other's company. I really, really enjoyed myself. AND I got to hear one of my fave bands right now, Moshav! Awesome!
During my friend's visit we spent a large amount of time discussing our marriages and families. How things have turned out over the years, disappointments, joys, achievements, challenges, you get the picture.
So it fit right into my current state of mind when one of the Daily Dose from Chabad.org this week was titled Man and Woman. I'll copy it here for you to read.
Man and Woman-------------
It is a mistake to consider man and woman two separate beings. They are no more than two halves of a single form, two converse hemispheres that fit tightly together to make a perfect whole. They are heaven and earth encapsulated in flesh and blood.
It is only that on its way to enter this world, this sphere was shattered apart. What was once the infinity of a perfect globe became two finite surfaces. What was once a duet of sublime harmony became two bizarre solos of unfinished motions, of unresolved discord.
So much so, that each one hears in itself only half a melody, and so too it hears in the other. Each sees the other and says, "That is broken." Feigning wholeness, the two halves wander aimlessly in space alone.
Until each fragment allows itself to surrender, to admit that it too is broken. Only then can it search for the warmth it is missing. For the depth of its own self that was ripped away. For the harmony that will make sense of its song.
And in perfect union, two finite beings find in one another infinite beauty.
We discussed how we have struggled over the years with the traditional christian evangelical teaching of men being the head of the family and women being required to submit. We also talked a lot about how we've come to reject this view of the marriage relationship. And that word is key, key to marriage, key to family and key to life. That word is relationship. More on that later.
Back to marriage. I remember how free I felt when during a Torah study I came to understand that the Hebrew speaks to much more than woman being created from man. The idea being presented is much closer to a separating of genders. G-d made "man" or Adam in His own image, which encompasses both male and female essences. (Perhaps this is what G-d refers to when it is written "let us make man in our own image".)Thus adamah or red earth, the first human being contained both male and female genders. When Eve or "Chava" (the mother of life) was created it was G-d separating the genders into separate beings. So when man and woman marry, when their union is one of soul/spirit not just flesh they really can achieve a "one flesh" relationship in a heavenly sense. But it was never intended to be a relationship of domination or power of one over another. It's teamwork, a perfect union of becoming what once was.
In the midst of all this pondering and musing I was reminded of an experience I had several years ago after we first moved down here. Hubby and I went for some counselling sessions and the therapist used a very interesting exercise with us. For several (maybe more) weeks upon the beginning of the session we would sit in our chair, close our eyes, breath deeply and try to get a sense of our "center". Then each of us would take a piece of yarn and place it in a circle around our chair on the carpet. This represented the boundary of our own personal space. The exercise had been established because she felt that we had boundary issues in our relationship and there was a lack of respect for personal space. As an illustration it soon became apparent that I was making my circle much larger than it should be as a way to create a buffer zone from my spouse. He can be a very "in your face" type person and his perspective on boundaries and personal space was illustrated by how he placed his yarn either touching or overlapping mine. You get the picture. This may sound like a silly exercise but it was very profound for me.
Anyway, put this together with the Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe and my discussions with my friend. This solidified some ideas/thoughts bouncing around the inside of my head. I just want to be me. That's all. Then and only then will my relationships (with hubby, others and G-d) bring fulfillment and satisfaction. If I'm shrinking behind the "boundary" of who I am, my personal space so to speak, I'm less than I can be. This throws off the balance of a relationship. So to if I'm using more space, if I'm crossing my boundary and intruding into the space of others causing them to shrink back. Either situation throws a relationship off, making it lop-sided if you will. When a relationship is working as it should be it's a team, one person doesn't feel like they are carrying more or less of the "load". It's a harmony.
So that's my goal, to be in harmony with those around me and with G-d. To be myself, nothing more and definitely nothing less. It's scary learning to accept my personal boundaries and not being afraid to insist others respect them. It's also hard work to encourage and respect the establishment of personal space boundaries in those I love. But the rewards of properly balanced relationships will surely be worth it.
