Tis The Season....sigh

I really don't like this time of year. For one thing December feels so long and dark. January can't come soon enough for me. And then there's Xmas.

I grew up in a Christian family (albeit nominal observance) where Christmas was a wonderful time of year. I have plenty of warm, fuzzy memories from childhood. There is definitely a magical feeling in the air during this season. But I remember how crushed I was when at age 6 (I think) a cousin spilled the beans after xmas dinner that Santa wasn't real. That was the beginning of the downhill slide I guess. When I became a parent I decided that I was not going to perpetuate this lie to my kids. Even though we celebrated xmas, my kids grew up knowing Santa wasn't real and the presents in the stocking were from their parents. This created quite the conflict with some of my family members who did not want their children around ours at xmas time in case our children would say anything about Santa not being real. On my husband's side of the family it was more of the same awkwardness. I remember the last xmas we shared at my husband's brother's home. Keep in mind at this time in our lives we were very conservative christians and they are totally non-religious and secular. Their xmas eve tradition was to read a Santa story before the kids were put to bed. So instead of including our kids in the reading they took their kids to the bedroom to read the story while we sat in the living room wondering what was up, all because they were afraid our kids might inadvertently say something. We could not get our families to understand that we had taught our kids to be respectful of other peoples beliefs and practices concerning xmas. We were so different! No Santa, then no tree after 1996 and then NO xmas at all after 2000. Yep, we stopped celebrating xmas at all 10 years ago.

2001 was our first Chanukah celebration. :)

I don't miss xmas at all. Spiritually it is a bankrupt holiday misleading the faithful. In a secular sense it is everything I detest about our materialistic world. So why does this time of year make me so blue if I honestly don't miss the festive season? Well for one thing, here in Canada, it is everywhere. You cannot escape the fact that it is xmas time for 1 waking second. TV, radio, internet, newspapers are all bursting with ads for items none of us needs. Everywhere you go xmas music plays endlessly and your neighbours are busily decorating their homes and wishing everyone they meet a merry xmas. I don't begrudge my family and friends happy times. Not at all. But it is SO overwhelming.

I think I am so blue and counting the seconds until it is over because I feel lost. I feel stuck in a no-man's land between Christianity and Judaism. This year will be our 10th year of Chanukah light. I really do love the holiday. It is much more fulfilling and meaningful to me. But I am still an outsider. I am on the outside of both Christianity and Judaism. And how does one really truly celebrate a holiday without interaction from a community?

I have no desire to return to a xmas observance. I do not have a home in Christianity anymore and neither do I desire one. I have contemplated celebrating xmas in a secular context similar to the people of other faiths I see around me but I just can't do it. It's not MY holiday anymore. It has no hold or appeal for me. And even though I love Chanukah and all that it represents, I feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

So I'm planning my Chanukah menus, getting our Chanukkiahs ready and counting the days until Xmas is over. January will come, daylight hours will increase and maybe I will be a little closer to figuring out where my place is in this world. sigh.

FREE GILAD SHALIT NOW!

Below is a copy of my letter to Prime Minister Harper that I will be delivering this week to his constituency office in Calgary. Please take a few moments and contact your own elected officials on behalf of Gilad Shalit. Four years is far too long to be held hostage without even a visit from the International Red Cross. Make your voice heard on behalf of Gilad Shalit!

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my name
my address
Calgary, AB
postal code

June 23, 2010

The Right Honourable Stephen Harper
Prime Minister of Canada
1600 - 90th Avenue SW
Suite A-203
Calgary, AB
T2V 5A8

Dear Prime Minister Harper,

I am writing to you concerning the plight of IDF soldier Gilad Shalit. As you know this young man was kidnapped by Hamas terrorists and has been held captive since June 25, 2006. This Friday it will be 4 years since he was taken hostage. The exact whereabouts of Gilad Shalit are unknown, except that it is presumed he is being held in the Gaza Strip, and he has been denied any visits from the International Red Cross or other humanitarian agency.

Mr. Prime Minister I urge you today to call upon Hamas to renounce violence, recognize Israel, and release abducted soldier Gilad Shalit. Gilad Shalit needs to be returned to Israel and his family safely and swiftly.

I thank you for your strong support of Israel and ask you to continue supporting Israel. Thank you for reading this letter and I look forward to receiving your response.

Respectfully,

my name
(mother of a 24 year old son)

Wow, that's all I can say!

So I had a weird experience today. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by anything that happens on Facebook but I was today. During the course of a discussion about Shabbat with some "friends of friends" one of the people assumed I was Jewish from the comments I was making. I guess I must have gotten under someone's skin because I was asked if I was a Pharisee or Sadducee. What the??? I recognized the comment for what it was, a "dig" thinly disguised as humour and made my feelings known about it. Shortly thereafter this person excused themselves from the discussion. But I'm still amazed at the nerve (rudeness) of some people. Who in their right mind would make a comment like that to someone they thought was Jewish? Is that just ignorance or thinly veiled anti-semitism?

Will The Real Messiah Please Stand Up!

Another excellent series on Israel National Radio.

Shabbat Changes Everything

This is a blog post that I found while going through my computer. I started it about 3 years ago and never finished it. I've totally lost my train of thought on this and am not completely sure where I was going with it but for what it's worth, here it is.

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Approximately seven years ago I discovered Shabbat. At the time I was rapidly becoming disillusioned with corporate Christianity. This is quite astonishing to me when I look back on that period in our life. We had been fellowshipping with a conservative Mennonite congregation for several years and it was becoming apparent that decision making time had arrived. Were we going to join the congregation or not? We really did feel at home with the wholesome lifestyle and the quiet, simple life.

But something in me rose up and took issue with their view of being the “One, True Church”. Here we go again, I thought. It’s just another Christian group with their corner of truth claiming to be the only way to G-d. I knew in my heart it would be a mistake to officially join. This decision ultimately led to a barrier in our fellowship and we drifted away.

A short time later a neighbour of ours invited us to a series of seminars hosted by the church he attended; the Seventh Day Adventist church. I was not interested in the least and told hubby so in no uncertain terms. But hubby convinced me to come at least once. And I did. The first night I learned that one was enough and I didn’t go again. BUT, I did come away wondering why they observed the “Saturday Sabbath” and the majority of Christianity did not. This turned out to be a pivotal event on my own personal journey and it lead to an intense study of the bible. When I learned that it was the Christian church that had changed the day of worship from Saturday to Sunday I was shocked. I then thought if I had been lied to about this what else was a lie? And thus began a very trying but rewarding time in my life and it's not over.

Having my spiritual eyes opened to the beauty and truth of Torah was the most liberating experience of my life and I am still enjoying the feeling of freedom!

Long Time No See!

So it's official, I'm a terrible blogger. As a "writer" (and I'm using that term very loosely here) I'm very hot and cold. It seems I have to be really inspired to write something which I deem good and it doesn't help that I'm a perfectionist and very critical of myself. If I don't feel I have any of worth to say then I'm silent. I was never very faithful at journal writing either.

So what am I doing back here then? I really don't know except that I have all of this "stuff" inside and no one to talk it out with. I'm not convinced that an online diary of sorts is an appropriate form of expression but I'm sure it can be a cathartic process.

It's been just over a year since my health took a nosedive for unexplained reasons. I am not totally back to normal but I do feel a lot better than 11 months ago. I now have energy to think again and this may or may not be a good thing. :) I guess I will read over my long-ago written posts and see if it's even possible (or worthwhile) to try and catch up. Maybe a fresh start is what is needed.

It took me forever to get back into my blog account....must also do a better job of remembering passwords!