15 Seconds

15 seconds of fear. 15 seconds of panic. 15 seconds of terror. 15 seconds to live.

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Shabbat Shalom

Shabbos kodesh

Shabbos, Shabbos kodesh

Shabbos kodesh

Shabbos, Shabbos kodesh

May your shabbat be blessed with peace, joy and holiness.

What Really Happened in the Middle East

Please make time to watch this short 10 minute presentation on the situation in the Middle East. It will be worth your time, I guarantee it. It is easy to get lost in all the rhetoric of the media and this will provide clarity. And please spread the message. People are waiting for our help.

http://www.terrorismawareness.org/what-really-happened/

The Road to Jerusalem

Today is an incredibly bleak and grey day at our house, weather-wise and emotionally. Not only have we been evicted from our home but now Matt has lost his job. It is raining buckets today and it feels very low. However, I have been reminded that rain is a blessing from heaven and along with the rain I was blessed by reading this article today. I am on my own journey to Jerusalem and reading this personal story has lifted my spirits. May it also lift yours.

From Germany to Jerusalem

Blog Carnivals

I'm really new to the whole Blog "thing" in cyberspace so please forgive my ignorance concerning Blog Carnivals. Anyway, it's a neat concept and I've just discovered this one, Haveil Havalim. Lots of interesting things to read over there. Enjoy! :)

Just Being Me

That's all I really want, to be the real me. To be the "me" that I was created to be, before the circumstances of life shaped this person I am today. Is it possible to be that person, to uncover the potential that is still there buried beneath layers of doubt, self-judgement and disappointments accumulated over the course of my life? Perhaps this is a rebirth. I like to think so.

Who is the real me? I believe she is a person with love for G-d and others, filled with compassion, creativity, curiosity, a zest for life, in awe of the creation and a desire, no thirst for truth in knowledge. She is a thoughtful and reflective person who enjoys using her brain and pondering the mysteries of life. Occasionally I can catch a glimpse of her before the burdens of this life block the light.

That's the person that I want to be accepted as. The person I want to be loved and valued as.

But the reality is that there will always be people who can't accept the real me. Intellectually I know this is true, emotionally I find it hard to deal with.

I'm having a hard time collecting and organizing my thoughts on this but I have a such a need to express and verbalize my feelings. This may well end up a jumbled, confused mess but I guess I'll take that chance.

So the current issue I'm struggling with is rejection. Rejection from people who I considered my friends. But because I have changed my position and perspective on certain theological and philisophical beliefs I find myself alienated from them. Strangely, I'm surprised and hurt that these people are no longer able to be close friends. I'm still the same person inside. Not much else has changed but why am I no longer acceptable in their eyes? I'm still the same thoughtful person seeking out truth and honesty where ever I can. Is there no value in our friendship anymore because I no longer "toe the party line"?

The challenge is to not allow this experience to add another layer over top of the "real me" so that my already dim light becomes even more obscured. Even better would be to use this experience to remove one of the layers. That's the hope anyway. I know she's there, waiting for me to find her.

Teenager Writes Novel About Gaza Disengagement

This is a poignantly written account of the Gush Katif expulsion in August 2005 from the perspective of 16 year old Shifra Shomron, formerly of N'vei Dekalim, now of Nitzan.

Please read the full book review at the link below. I know you will be touched by this story, told innocently by a teenager who lived through the experience. Grains of Sand: The Fall of N'vei Dekalim is available through various sources including Amazon.com.

(Complete book review by Hillel Fendel can be read here at Israel National News.)

40 Years Later

Tuesday was the 40 year anniversary of "The Six Day War". If you are unfamiliar with the facts of this war, I've posted the beginning of an article with the link to the full piece. Please read it and inform yourself so that you can be part of the process in combatting media bias.

The Six Day War: Forty Years On

Forty years have now passed since the "Six Day War" which resulted in Israeli control over the Sinai Peninsula, Gaza Strip, West Bank, eastern Jerusalem and the Golan Heights. Some media reports already refer to the fortieth anniversary of the "occupation."

The goal of this special report is to remind HonestReporting subscribers of the events of 1967 and Israel's administration of the disputed territories. We ask that you PRINT OUT AND PASS ON this special report to help you respond to some of the bias and misconceptions that will inevitably flood the international media over the coming weeks.

How Did the War Begin?

While June 5 marks the day that Israel initiated its military operation, it is important to note that the immediate Arab threats to wipe out Israel began in the preceding months. It is also critical to take the causes of the Six Day War into account before analyzing the resulting status of land taken as a result. International Law makes a clear distinction between land "occupied" during a war of aggression and land taken as a result of a defensive war.
This distinction explains why so many enemies of Israel are using this anniversary to rewrite history and falsely claim that the Six Day War was initiated by Israel in order to illegally capture land.

Complete article here.

New Life Brings New Hope for New Beginnings

Last night an intense storm hit our area, bringing a deluge of rain with an impressive light and sound show. It was the first real storm of the season for us.

Minutes before the rain started, our doe Cookie gave birth to 3 beautiful kids (2 doelings, 1 buckling). It took the help of a trusted goat breeder friend to deliver them but all safely made their passage into the world and all are doing well. What a relief!

The miracle of birth and new life never ceases to amaze me, no matter the species. I always hold my breath waiting for the little ones to take their first breath of life. Those first breaths of a new born are the most precious sound to my ears, (and then hopefully a squawk or two.) Every spring I am reminded of how fragile life really is.

But last night I knew in my heart this was the last kidding season for me. Just last week I was feeling crushed and devastated at the thought of ending my goat breeding adventures. Last night the L-rd showed me (again) that He knows best. I can’t seem to deal with the anxiety and stress that kidding season brings. Every year it gets worse for me and every year I tell myself it’s just the depression and next year will be better. It’s not happening and I don’t want to go through this again next year. Why I’m having such a hard time dealing with the stresses in life that should be routine matters is another question and I haven’t figured it out yet. However, it’s irrelevant at this point. I have to accept that it is happening and learn to deal with it instead of hoping it will go away. Everyone around me sees it happening. I do know that my problem is compounded by the fact that I am very hard on myself. I feel I used to be a very strong person and that I could handle most of what life brought my way. I now find that the smallest upset can cause me to burst into tears at the drop of a hat and I hate myself for it.

One would think that with each added year of goat breeding experience I would feel more comfortable in dealing with life’s surprises. I do have the knowledge and expertise to handle these situations myself but instead I find a paralyzing fear overtakes me and then it all goes downhill from there. I have lost faith in myself and cannot seem to trust my instincts or ability to make wise decisions. So it is time to face up to the situation and begin the process of exposing the root of the problem. A strange and sad sense of relief has come over me since I came to this realization.

Thankfully new life always brings new hope. This year it is hope for the new beginnings around the corner.

"Lift up your head, child, and open up your heart
Today is new day, we're gonna make a new start..."

~Moshav Band

Bouncing Around The Inside Of My Brain

More excerpts below from a recent email conversation with a friend. I know that other people ask themselves questions, maybe not these exact ones but similar. It still feels a bit lonely with all these questions and thoughts when so many people around me seem to (or act as if they do) have all the answers. I wonder if they are as secure on the inside as they appear on the outside?

This is one of my favourite quotes:

"You don't learn by having faith. You learn by questioning, by challenging, by re-examining everything you've ever believed.And yet, all this is a matter of faith -- the faith that there is a truth to be found.It is another paradox: To truly question, you must truly have faith."

A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe-words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman

Excerpts**************************************

Perhaps the distinction between faith and religion has been blurred. Isn't it the how (religion) of living out one's faith is that which is seen on the outside? How does this definition of faith grab you? "Faith is to trust that the promises (G-d's) will come true." Abraham's wasn't a blind faith. He had faith that G-d would keep His word. I think G-d enjoys watching us use our brains to figure things out. He doesn't want blind faith followers. It makes Him proud when we use our intellect. Like any parent proud of their children's accomplishments................................

I used to feel hit over the head by that "scripture" too (Jsus/commandments) until I learned the context of the commandments. We were never taught that in Christianity. It's just not true that we can't keep the commandments or Jsus wouldn't have said it. The problem is that we think G-d expects them to be kept perfectly. And like I said the relationship isn't about perfection. Keeping commandments isn't a way to perfect ourselves, that is what Christianity falsely teaches. So we as Christians set aside the commandments but we're left with a gaping hole and a feeling of needing to do something. This is where we fall into trouble. Keeping commandments doesn't make anything less of a heart issue...........................................

From where I sit now there are 3 options to this puzzle we call life.

#1: Judaism is the only authentic expression of our relationship with G-d and is the key to eternal life.

#2: All religions are a valid expression of faith/spirituality and are keys to eternal life.

#3: There is no G-d, no eternal life.

I do not accept that Christianity is the ONLY way. I have learned too many things about Christianity. There is no way it is the ONLY way.

Have you ever considered how arrogant it must seem to the Jewish people that Christianity absconded their holy writings, told them that G-d has forsaken them and that they never understood G-d or their own holy writings. And then Christianity made a new religion out of their writings, added to it , told the Jews that only Christianity was the way and then forced them to convert to it?

Just Like That

I have a good beginning on a post about Shabbat and was planning on getting it posted today but it seems life has gotten in the way and I can't get my thoughts together to finish it. It will have to wait for another day. That's okay.

So, just like that, we are moving. Another of life's lessons not to take anything for granted because in the blink of an eye your life can change. No worries, nothing serious like a loss of physical life thankfully. However, it's still a loss. Yesterday, we were given an eviction notice for our rented home. We have 3 months to find a new place.

No big deal, right? 3 months is lots of time. Well, one would think so but not in the over-heated housing market in the region where we live. Plus we have all of our animals to consider. That's the hardest part. If it were just hubby and I, no problem. We most likely would quickly pack up and move soon so we could enjoy the summer in a new place. A new adventure! I'm up for that.

When we moved to this area 4 years ago we were extremely fortunate to find this place. Any acreage type rental properties are extremely rare, that meet our needs. The majority of acreages around here are priced above $2000 a month (plus utilities) and do not allow pets, let alone goats.

Our landlords are wonderful people and we have been blessed by the 4 years we have lived here. They have an opportunity in selling this property that would be crazy to pass up so we understand and support their decision but.........where do we go from here?

That is the question of the day, where now? This event, though traumatic, really does have an interesting story behind it as well. I'll try to be concise and share a small portion here.

I have been feeling a "restlessness" in my spirit since the winter, I think about January. It was the same kind of feeling I had for the months prior to us making the decision to move here. I told hubby that I felt like something was going to happen but I hoped I was imagining it because I wasn't ready yet for something big. We were caught up in the excitement with our trip to Israel, youngest daughter moving out and all the ups/downs of life, so this "feeling" got pushed aside. When we returned home from Israel again something didn't "feel" right but I couldn't put my finger on it. I told hubby that maybe our life needed a kickstart and we should do something radical to change it up. I also thought that it was just a "traveller's infatuation" after coming home to real life and it would pass. Until yesterday. We were told yesterday that our landlords have been struggling with their decision regarding the property for several months, since January in fact. Huh, interesting.

So, I guess I got the kickstart but not in the way I had imagined. But what about my much loved caprine friends? And yes, my goats are my friends. They have loved me through thick and thin. They accept me for who I am and love me in spite of all my faults and weaknesses. They don't complain nearly as much as the humans in my life. They listen to me without criticism and provide a connection to the creation that this country girl at heart needs to keep her sanity. They keep me grounded and my perspective balanced. They have taught me innumerable lessons, especially in the area of control. This is a problem area for me, I like to be in control. With animal husbandry (as with farming) you learn over and over again that there are things you cannot control, particularly nature and the weather.

I've said for several years that when the National ID program for goats came into effect in Canada that I would sell my small herd. That is supposed to happen in approx 18 - 24 months. I've also had moments in the past years when dealing with my depression that I contemplated selling. I had always envisioned that the time would come and I would get to the "place" in my heart where I knew it was time to let go and move on, but I wanted it to be my decision and on my terms. I remember now glibbly telling a friend before we left on our trip that maybe I would come back and decide I was selling. We laughed over that comment. I also don't want to invest a lot of money in another property only to come to the decision to part with my goats several months down the road. Hubby thinks I never would have come to a decision to sell on my own so it has to be made for me. sigh Only he really understands how important they are to me and bless his heart, he has spent a lot of his hard earned income on them. So he's probably right.

My goats are purebred, registered dairy goats and I am involved with showing. This provides a very welcome social side of animal husbandry. I've developed many friendships over the years by attending shows and goat related functions. This part of my life would be greatly missed, although I wouldn't miss all the goat hair up my nose and in my mouth from clipping! It never fails to be a windy day when it's time to get ready for a show. I wonder if these friendships could still be maintained without the common experience of owning/breeding/showing goats?

So I'm sitting here with thoughts and emotions churning wildly inside. What now? I know that something new and hopefully exciting is waiting around the corner but the decisions of the present are going to be difficult and even painful. Is it time to part with the critters and move into an urban setting? Can a country girl be happy in the city? What to do.