Last night an intense storm hit our area, bringing a deluge of rain with an impressive light and sound show. It was the first real storm of the season for us.
Minutes before the rain started, our doe Cookie gave birth to 3 beautiful kids (2 doelings, 1 buckling). It took the help of a trusted goat breeder friend to deliver them but all safely made their passage into the world and all are doing well. What a relief!
The miracle of birth and new life never ceases to amaze me, no matter the species. I always hold my breath waiting for the little ones to take their first breath of life. Those first breaths of a new born are the most precious sound to my ears, (and then hopefully a squawk or two.) Every spring I am reminded of how fragile life really is.
But last night I knew in my heart this was the last kidding season for me. Just last week I was feeling crushed and devastated at the thought of ending my goat breeding adventures. Last night the L-rd showed me (again) that He knows best. I can’t seem to deal with the anxiety and stress that kidding season brings. Every year it gets worse for me and every year I tell myself it’s just the depression and next year will be better. It’s not happening and I don’t want to go through this again next year. Why I’m having such a hard time dealing with the stresses in life that should be routine matters is another question and I haven’t figured it out yet. However, it’s irrelevant at this point. I have to accept that it is happening and learn to deal with it instead of hoping it will go away. Everyone around me sees it happening. I do know that my problem is compounded by the fact that I am very hard on myself. I feel I used to be a very strong person and that I could handle most of what life brought my way. I now find that the smallest upset can cause me to burst into tears at the drop of a hat and I hate myself for it.
One would think that with each added year of goat breeding experience I would feel more comfortable in dealing with life’s surprises. I do have the knowledge and expertise to handle these situations myself but instead I find a paralyzing fear overtakes me and then it all goes downhill from there. I have lost faith in myself and cannot seem to trust my instincts or ability to make wise decisions. So it is time to face up to the situation and begin the process of exposing the root of the problem. A strange and sad sense of relief has come over me since I came to this realization.
Thankfully new life always brings new hope. This year it is hope for the new beginnings around the corner.
"Lift up your head, child, and open up your heart
Today is new day, we're gonna make a new start..."
~Moshav Band
Minutes before the rain started, our doe Cookie gave birth to 3 beautiful kids (2 doelings, 1 buckling). It took the help of a trusted goat breeder friend to deliver them but all safely made their passage into the world and all are doing well. What a relief!
The miracle of birth and new life never ceases to amaze me, no matter the species. I always hold my breath waiting for the little ones to take their first breath of life. Those first breaths of a new born are the most precious sound to my ears, (and then hopefully a squawk or two.) Every spring I am reminded of how fragile life really is.
But last night I knew in my heart this was the last kidding season for me. Just last week I was feeling crushed and devastated at the thought of ending my goat breeding adventures. Last night the L-rd showed me (again) that He knows best. I can’t seem to deal with the anxiety and stress that kidding season brings. Every year it gets worse for me and every year I tell myself it’s just the depression and next year will be better. It’s not happening and I don’t want to go through this again next year. Why I’m having such a hard time dealing with the stresses in life that should be routine matters is another question and I haven’t figured it out yet. However, it’s irrelevant at this point. I have to accept that it is happening and learn to deal with it instead of hoping it will go away. Everyone around me sees it happening. I do know that my problem is compounded by the fact that I am very hard on myself. I feel I used to be a very strong person and that I could handle most of what life brought my way. I now find that the smallest upset can cause me to burst into tears at the drop of a hat and I hate myself for it.
One would think that with each added year of goat breeding experience I would feel more comfortable in dealing with life’s surprises. I do have the knowledge and expertise to handle these situations myself but instead I find a paralyzing fear overtakes me and then it all goes downhill from there. I have lost faith in myself and cannot seem to trust my instincts or ability to make wise decisions. So it is time to face up to the situation and begin the process of exposing the root of the problem. A strange and sad sense of relief has come over me since I came to this realization.
Thankfully new life always brings new hope. This year it is hope for the new beginnings around the corner.
"Lift up your head, child, and open up your heart
Today is new day, we're gonna make a new start..."
~Moshav Band
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